Can’t have what you want the most? Perhaps give up on it.

Wanting only one thing sounds simple.  Fulfilling one demand you long for may seem an easy task to complete.  When accomplishing this goal requires having someone in your life who demands to have nothing to do with you, achievement becomes impossible. Being ignored hurts and learning to cope with such a circumstance might feel as if to crush any person’s spirit.

Growing up some people may learn to believe they don’t require the help of others to achieve their own ultimate happiness. This idea is prideful and will harm you. A belief like this could stem from growing up with few or no siblings or from having an mostly introverted personality. There are many, varied reasons you could grow up believing this way. The thought of obtaining your ideal of perfect joy involving achieving something without any outside help may confuse some.

For example if you improve upon a skill you naturally possess but don’t improve that skill on your own, does that mean you’ve really grown? Do you yourself own that growth or achievement or was it someone else’s doing? Could you simply be the embodiment or carrier of a skill or attribute that someone else actually achieved?  How can you ever accurately measure whether you OWN your personal accomplishments and inner-growth?

Try looking to your own parents. Who else but they may be looked towards as having helped one become their best self. Hopefully that is the case for the reader, but if you currently feel your parents did more harm than good in your life I am sorry you feel that way.  Perhaps with time you may end up being grateful to them for their influence in your life.  If this is not how you momentarily feel, there’s no need to attempt to do what will now be asked of you. Perhaps you could still manage this exercise looking to other influences in your life but that’s up to you.

Think back on years of experiences while under your parents care and evaluate how you were raised and how you’ve measured achievement and growth in the past. This should be pondered upon because while being closer under your parents wings, your personal measurement of progress was greatly influenced by them. Next observe how your parents measure personal achievement in their lives now and how they did so as you grew up. Again if you didn’t grow up with your parents or perhaps don’t even know who they are, attempt this thought process using the people who influenced you the most in your life growing up. Try doing this whether or not you knew those people personally.

Often you’ll conclude you use a measurement system for achievement involving both the ways your parents or significant influences have come to believe they’re successful, mixed in with those same determinations of the culture and generation you grew up in. The way you personally conceptualize your success in your mind is something extremely unique to you. Possibly along the way you’ll find out that certain victories don’t need to have physical or external determiners in order to be real.  Inner accomplishment is too often forgotten about or glossed over in praise of something that can be put out to display.

So what sort of inner achievement do you want most? Maybe your inner-most sought after accomplishment is necessarily an external one.  To have an external goal be what you want the most can be just as noble as dreaming of an internal one. If that one thing we continually find ourselves solely yearning towards becomes truly impossible to obtain however, one must somehow learn to give up on that dream.  This isn’t a dream like one where you were born without or lost your legs and you want to become a basketball or swim star. With perseverance those disabilities could realistically be overcome.  Nor is this being cripplingly depressed for many long years or riddled with anxiety and longing to live a normal life. Through therapy and learning to rely on others help you can achieve a life worth living.

When what you dream of involves someone who has passed on or a person who may be living but said person has chosen to cut you out of their lives, then obtaining that something the way you want it will be impossible.  Not improbable as in the examples above, no in fact gaining what you want in such a situation will actually be impossible.  Learning to stop wanting those things only takes time. Humans are selfish so giving up on one of your innermost desires, possibly your biggest innermost desire will be extremely difficult. Given time that could involve years, your life will harbor attainments you never could have imagined. Often the dreams you’ll end up realizing will be infinitely better than those you wished for.  You will end up glad having never led the life of fulfillment you thought you wanted, but instead will gain a life of truly fantastic triumphs you needed to experience.

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