Romance is going good, getting better, almost the best… FRIEND ZONED!

Ah the friend zone.  It is an huge area of the universe that has become increasingly and far too well known by people in the last several generations.  As two people engage in courtship it is well known that there are multitudes of reasons the love they are trying to harvest can end up not blossoming.  Nowadays though the giant glowing eject button from such a lover’s attempt has become all too enticing.  It is said that the newest model of said button comes with a device built in which pre-filters out for your non-listening pleasure everything important your partner says to you months before you actually decide to hit it and quit it. Truly, what a glorious age we live in.

One argument for relegating your once beloved to the zone of ‘never needing to believe they actually existed’ goes like this: we all believe we have things we need to do before we decide to settle down.  This statement can be actually true and well-founded. However true or untrue this belief might be, it always ends up seeming like nothing more than cheap cop-out of the courting process. Why, you ask? Who knows why, but here is an example to help illustrate how it probably feels to be told by the one you love that they don’t want to be with you anymore because they have underwater knitting skills which require improving.

Imagine yourself as a dog with the best owner in the world. Your are love love loved by your precious owner, nearly to death. Wait a moment there pal. They do love you to death? Oh how sweet! You just became so loved that you were smothered unknowingly, and who knows maybe it was done knowingly. Oops! Their bad! If you do ever end up as the one being dumped for the reason that your owner had ‘things to do’ before committing to owning and taking care of a dog then you, the satisfied with the relationship-lover,  will end up feeling just like a smothered by one harmless hug dog. You were in the middle of rejoicing and were glad to be with the person of your dreams, getting to share something which you thought was entirely unique and special to this plane of existence when suddenly, what is that? Oh but they just hugged you one time a little too tight on purpose, perhaps on a whim and ended up slaughtering you. Yup. You’re irrevocably dead to them now and your owner might honestly be fine with that.

Now place yourself in the position of the dog owner and this time, being the owner, you are the one still satisfied in the relationship.  Your puppy is the cutest and most precious thing in the whole wide world! Yes he or she is! Your dog is irreplaceable and convincingly the best dog that anyone has ever owned, ever.  Say you also own this certain wool sweater that just happens to be your favorite article of clothing.  The garment matches your eyes, is slimming, fits just right and is probably just so darn comfortable.

You haven’t been a pet owner for long when one day you decide to pull on your beloved sweater and take your canine for a walk.  You’re walking and walking, walking some more.  What a lovely day to be alive and strutting your stuff, looking so fly alongside your new companion! At the end of the walk you have returned home and your four legged friend runs up to you from across the room, straight for your embrace as you hug each other and revel in your friendship.  Something is not right.  Your dog just went limp and quickly stopped breathing.  Carrying him to the car you take him or her to the vet but it is already too late.  The veterinarian’s best guess to your dog’s demise was that they had a deadly allergic reaction to the wool your sweater is made out of.

HOW WERE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOUR FAVORITE SHIRT WAS GOING TO KILL YOUR DOG!?  The simple answer is that there is no way you could have known that.  One long and complicated answer to that same question is that in a multiverse where every possible outcome of every situation is played out, the universe you exist in happens to be the one where your favorite piece of clothing turned out to be a murder weapon that killed your dog.  LUCKY YOU!!!

Getting away from puppy & and owner parallels to relationships ending, it really does seem the generations born in the last few decades have become increasingly adept at friend-zoning potential life-mates.  Whether or not the world is intentionally teaching the valuable social skill of ‘how to friend-zone’ to people today is a question to be answered another day. So far what is certain is just how badly it sucks to be a dog that got killed by a sweater.


So you prepare people to meet the ‘love of their life’

An ex- lover always ends up fulfilling an essential matchmaking and society building role. Sometimes the person who has done the dumping might appear immediately afterward to ‘strike gold’ and find someone new to love.  During peoples time on earth there are several monumental events that help reinforce the idea that they have really done something with their lives. These accomplishments help people define who they are.  Someone could graduate, fulfill hours in an training program for their career, have a baby, move away from parents, etc.

Perhaps the most important of all such events comes when that special someone is found whom they commit to. Both those people then begin giving their best to make things work out for the rest of their lives together. These special circumstances beg a humble question. If there is an ex-lover who got left behind in order for a new relationship to bloom, how is the left behind person supposed to feel? Who knows, but here are some suggestions.

Don’t struggle too much with not knowing how to feel.  It is going to be a struggle, one that could well end up as the roughest and topsy-turviest emotional roller coaster you’ve ever stepped on to alone in your life.  And you are alone on this ride.  People will always attempt to help maneuver the controls of the attraction along the way since it is human nature to want to reach out and make someone feel better. Your friends, family members, well meaning acquaintances and hopefully also a higher power or maybe something deep within yourself  is going to end up pushing you beyond your known limits during this trip.  Know that none of the advice given or experiences shared must soothe your agitated mind and upset stomach. They may end up easing some pressure but if they don’t fully soothe the pain, things will still be alright.  You are yourself, your own person.  Knowing that billions upon a billion times a billion humans will go through extremely similar love problems before and then after you doesn’t mean any one of those people is going to have your same experience.  All those people will just end up grasping at similar straws.

Once you feel like you’ve exited the thrill ride your legs are going to be weak for a time.  The length and intensity of this period of time can depend on a lot of different things.  Say you were with someone only a few months yet from the moment you first laid eyes on them you knew you wanted to be with them, that you would do anything to keep them in your life.  If such a courtship ends abruptly and for no fully explained reason, it ends up feeling like being put in a sack while you were dead asleep, getting thrown on a roller coaster, going through the whole ride, getting tossed once again but off the roller coaster this time and then being left to fight your way out of the sack. Were you ever on a real ride? Do you even feel sick or was everything just imagined and all too intense to be real? Maybe your legs are going to fail you and cause you to stumble after the experience, and that likely won’t happen when you expect it to.

Given another scenario you end up with someone for a very long time. You could find yourself being with someone for years.  There is no way that anything could go wrong because everything is guaranteed.  You have just purchased two tickets to ride that special amusement thrill which you have been looking forward to since you were a child. CHA-CHING! You lucky dog you!  Entering the awaited ride after courting the person aboard before you, naturally you secure that your special someone is comfortable and kept at ease. After all is said and done, their health and safety comes light years before even a second thought about yourself. This is going to be the long haul and you can hardly wait.

The ride begins and the chains click slowly as you’re dragged to the top of the first drop off.  It’s not the biggest drop nor is what comes after the sharpest turn, but anticipating soaking up all those excitements with the person sitting next to you sounds amazing.  As you nervously glance toward your beloved, they have the biggest smile on their face which you have ever witnessed. They are overjoyed, but you feel a strange premonition. Your stomach then begins to clench as the darting thought runs through your brain, “Are they excited this time has finally come, or to have it finally be over with?”

At the top of the first hill there is no moment for a second thought. You both succumb to gravity.  You’re dropping and dropping and dropping, then looping and weaving. You go through several dark tunnels and you don’t know what occurred in any of them.  Defying the laws of physics your cart has kept enough momentum along the beginning stretch of track to careen you upward, even higher upward to the tallest pinnacle on your much anticipated adventure.  You may have never reached such heights in your life.

If you had thought to look over to your partner at that moment, they probably didn’t even have a face.  They probably scrubbed it off with an eraser a long LONG time before you noticed their features had become unchanging and unreal.  There was no eject button to launch you from this ride when you started out. There certainly wasn’t one installed in your seat so whatever special arrangements your partner had made to have one placed in theirs had been done behind your back.  They are gone. You don’t even know if you had made it to the top of this hill together but as the numbness fades you realize the ride has simply stopped and you are left alone.

Being stuck up where the air is thin so it is tough to breath is not so bad.  Maybe if you stick it out up here for a while you will grow stronger. Has anyone else ever made it to the point you have? Mostly likely. You can take your time to survey the scene below you where all the onlookers were previously so enthralled to see the both of your succeed on and make it to the end of your trip, but you don’t really remember whether anyone was ever watching out for the both of you to succeed in the first place.  If they were there, what could they have possibly told the both of you that may have fixed what happened? None of it would have mattered anyway you say to yourself out loud as total lethargy drags you into a barely conscious, zombie-like state. The whole world is dream-like as well when you succumb to numb, zero, nothing, and no air. You just float, gliding around while anything which hits you on the way is welcome and thanked.

Gravity always settles back in.  The total human experience always exacts it’s wanted toll and you tumble violently downward, cart off the rails.  This though is a beautiful disaster, one with a portrait painted pink and gold explosion that will leave scorched marks and remains for miles.  You want everything so meticulously built up around you destroyed because otherwise anything left standing you will knock down yourself.  In these after-moments you start to commit to never stop pushing yourself beyond any boundaries you ever thought could be attached to the person you do not yet fully understand.  YOU!

Don’t become too selfish. Immense strength and understanding comes from sharing what you have and what you have become with those who seem like they might need it.  During a lifetime you will learn to better understand when it is appropriate to ask someone tough questions or give someone a very tough answer right to their face.  When you need those things done to you, be humble enough to glean wisdom from those moments. If you ever end up noticing things returning back to the way they were or if someone tries to convince you knowingly or not that you haven’t changed a bit, then the situation has been misread and/ or they are wrong.

Deeply imprinted scars aren’t always tangible but those kinds of marks are vividly real. Those inner tattoos contrast a deep, horrific green and purple across the golds, reds and pinks that life wishes to hand you but you mostly refuse to accept any more. You stare down these colors every day behind your eyes, looking into the mirror, pounding your chest and screaming in your face that you will push forward. There is absolutely no reason to give up because you already lost everything once, maybe more than once.

Foremost the only person you have to prove anything about yourself to is yourself.  You might realize that in order to achieve what you wish to, first you need to possess a healthy state of mind (but you can’t always be sure you’re in one, so sometimes it pays to just push forward anyway). After that is taken care of in order to live an even happier life it is your responsibility to make sure the people around you seem to be fine and to help them make progress on their goals. Hopefully not simply as an afterthought you will check to make sure that society as a whole isn’t killing itself.

This philosophy for left-behind lovers is not necessarily a selfish way of living as it is a way to insure more are not dragged through the same hell you survived. The conscious act of re-evaluating all of your thoughts, actions, habits and overall character after suffering a devastating romance related blow is something noble and can feel very enabling. After all the aftermath has settled you just ended up not being the ‘right one’ for someone, correct? Maybe after such a harsh lesson is fully exacted upon you, next time you will end up as the right one, being with the right person for you.

How Michael Myers from Halloween is a relatable character

Does it seem like a stretch to try to relate yourself to a movie serial killer?  Maybe, but then again maybe not.  In any case it’s getting closer to Halloween this year and in vein of the thought of dressing up as whatever we want for a night, trying to connect ourselves to a man who does whatever or rather kills whomever he wants all the time might just be a fun exercise.

To begin try thinking of Michael Myers as a god on earth. We’re really starting off blasphemous with this blog.  In all seriousness, according to the movies he stars in Michael appears to be utterly unstoppable against all odds.  He is a moving shape, a figure that resembles a man that doesn’t speak, in fact makes no noise nearly at all times and also never detracts from his goals.  He is an unbreakable force which eventually attains whatever he wants.  What he wants just happens to involve mass murder.

What more could a person want in their lives then to be unhindered in progress toward their goals? If more people had half the tenacity and stick-to-itiveness for rushing towards their objectives which Michael possesses, a whole lot more would get done in life. Michael can be shown being bashed in the head or shot in one scene, violently put down, yet in the next few moments he’s back up again trying to kill. What a trooper and certainly a man we can learn something about perseverance from.

Understanding the significance of Michael’s mask is another important step to relating to him.  He has to don his mask at all times.  In his films, he’s never really shown with it off except as a child.  We’re all especially vulnerable as children, just as Michael certainly was, yet as an adult he consciously chose to put on a white, expressionless latex mask which he would wear for all eternity. Just considering how much of a pain to breathe in that thing it must be since there’s no open airways but two small holes for his nostrils, there’s got to be a very good reason he never removes his mask.

Does he keep it on for anonymity? No, he came from a psych ward so his identity was known before he set off on his murderous rampage.  Neither does he wear it for any sort of physical comfort as was already mentioned.  Michael wears his mask for the same reason people put on a face every morning before they go out into the world, to be safer and put at an advantage.  To one degree or another when we’re not alone or with anyone we are extremely close to, we wear a bit of a mask.  It’s not always for fun nor might we even realize we are wearing one.  Often only in hindsight do we realize that how we were acting in a given situation really didn’t reflect how we truly felt. So why did we act that way then?

We wear our masks for same reason Michael wears his. Over the years he’s become good at what he does.  If wearing a mask helps him to kill by nearly scaring his victims to death before he reaches them, what reason would he have not to wear it? If putting on a bit of a faux mask ourselves aids us in appearing to be better at our jobs than we really are, a bit more attractive to a potential lover whom we wish to keep or a bit more confident in the face of peers and family then what reasonable excuse could anyone have to not wear their own made up mask?  Michael’s is just external whereas ours may be harder to identify since they aren’t always perceivable.

His white mask aiding him, the killer from the Halloween franchise also never reveals any true emotion. Much further removed from showing emotion, the audience never even hears him speak.  As far as the original film lore goes, as a child after killing his own sister with a kitchen knife Michael is shown in a sort of trance-like state.  Here he doesn’t speak, sheds no tears and doesn’t appear to hold one shred of regret for his actions.  Could any of these human traits actually be desirable to aspire to? In the right circumstances, certainly.

In a sports contest of any kind there is never a time where it is advantageous to show weakness.  You have to be tough to be the best at your chosen sport, and even if you are not toughest you have to successfully convince your opponents that you are in order to win.  In another scenario as an onlooker to a terrible accident where someone is injured, the best way to react is without hesitation and encouraging any victims that they are okay and that everything is going to be alright. That would require a great deal of self-removal from emotions like panic. Perhaps you might fall out of love with a significant other, or lose a good friend or family member and that relationship seems realistically impossible to fix. There will come a time in that case where your logic must overcome your emotions and you convince yourself to finally overcome that heartache.

Mr. Myers would be an excellent athlete, first responder (if he wasn’t always the one harming people) and be great at healing from relationship woes. Being a sociopath as he is, or in other words having complete disregard for others, would be helpful in all these situations. In any case luckily us normal people only have to learn to feign disregard for others after suffering through the turmoil of emotion it takes to get to that point.

Despite it being difficult to emulate him, this particularly infamous slasher on Halloween night from the hack and slash genre of movies is someone from whom everyone can learn something.  Michael exudes the type of manly ‘I got this’ attitude that turns men green with jealousy and which the ladies flock to.  If we only paid more attention to him than that portion we normally pay to someone who appears only to kill for our entertainment, we would have much to gain. A truly unbiased study on how to better relate to Mr. Myers ends up yielding not only tips on how to best filet a victim with a kitchen knife, but also on how to overall greatly improve oneself.

Can’t have what you want the most? Perhaps give up on it.

Wanting only one thing sounds simple.  Fulfilling one demand you long for may seem an easy task to complete.  When accomplishing this goal requires having someone in your life who demands to have nothing to do with you, achievement becomes impossible. Being ignored hurts and learning to cope with such a circumstance might feel as if to crush any person’s spirit.

Growing up some people may learn to believe they don’t require the help of others to achieve their own ultimate happiness. This idea is prideful and will harm you. A belief like this could stem from growing up with few or no siblings or from having an mostly introverted personality. There are many, varied reasons you could grow up believing this way. The thought of obtaining your ideal of perfect joy involving achieving something without any outside help may confuse some.

For example if you improve upon a skill you naturally possess but don’t improve that skill on your own, does that mean you’ve really grown? Do you yourself own that growth or achievement or was it someone else’s doing? Could you simply be the embodiment or carrier of a skill or attribute that someone else actually achieved?  How can you ever accurately measure whether you OWN your personal accomplishments and inner-growth?

Try looking to your own parents. Who else but they may be looked towards as having helped one become their best self. Hopefully that is the case for the reader, but if you currently feel your parents did more harm than good in your life I am sorry you feel that way.  Perhaps with time you may end up being grateful to them for their influence in your life.  If this is not how you momentarily feel, there’s no need to attempt to do what will now be asked of you. Perhaps you could still manage this exercise looking to other influences in your life but that’s up to you.

Think back on years of experiences while under your parents care and evaluate how you were raised and how you’ve measured achievement and growth in the past. This should be pondered upon because while being closer under your parents wings, your personal measurement of progress was greatly influenced by them. Next observe how your parents measure personal achievement in their lives now and how they did so as you grew up. Again if you didn’t grow up with your parents or perhaps don’t even know who they are, attempt this thought process using the people who influenced you the most in your life growing up. Try doing this whether or not you knew those people personally.

Often you’ll conclude you use a measurement system for achievement involving both the ways your parents or significant influences have come to believe they’re successful, mixed in with those same determinations of the culture and generation you grew up in. The way you personally conceptualize your success in your mind is something extremely unique to you. Possibly along the way you’ll find out that certain victories don’t need to have physical or external determiners in order to be real.  Inner accomplishment is too often forgotten about or glossed over in praise of something that can be put out to display.

So what sort of inner achievement do you want most? Maybe your inner-most sought after accomplishment is necessarily an external one.  To have an external goal be what you want the most can be just as noble as dreaming of an internal one. If that one thing we continually find ourselves solely yearning towards becomes truly impossible to obtain however, one must somehow learn to give up on that dream.  This isn’t a dream like one where you were born without or lost your legs and you want to become a basketball or swim star. With perseverance those disabilities could realistically be overcome.  Nor is this being cripplingly depressed for many long years or riddled with anxiety and longing to live a normal life. Through therapy and learning to rely on others help you can achieve a life worth living.

When what you dream of involves someone who has passed on or a person who may be living but said person has chosen to cut you out of their lives, then obtaining that something the way you want it will be impossible.  Not improbable as in the examples above, no in fact gaining what you want in such a situation will actually be impossible.  Learning to stop wanting those things only takes time. Humans are selfish so giving up on one of your innermost desires, possibly your biggest innermost desire will be extremely difficult. Given time that could involve years, your life will harbor attainments you never could have imagined. Often the dreams you’ll end up realizing will be infinitely better than those you wished for.  You will end up glad having never led the life of fulfillment you thought you wanted, but instead will gain a life of truly fantastic triumphs you needed to experience.

Ignorance might not be bliss

Today does not look promising. Hope is being searched for in all the wrong places. Often people can’t bring you hope, or not the ones you want to have bring it to you. Hope does not come from an ex-girlfriend or ex-fiance’ for example. No, trying to search for solace in those places, from those people is often hopeless. It’s ultimately selfish.

If you ever let someone down enough for them to choose to completely cut you out of their life, that can be hard to cope with. Being removed completely out of a person’s life against your will can devastate you if you allow it to. Situations like that become even more difficult to manage when you may have thought you could have spent the rest of your life, a happy existence, with the person who now pretends you don’t exist. Learning to accept the fact that they’ve chosen to ignore you for the rest of their lives may be impossible.

If there are actual answers to quickly resolve the heartache caused by losing a possible future partner and friend from your life, they are pretty hard to find. However coping methods do exist to try to soothe yourself after experiencing such a tragic loss. Getting really angry is not a good way to deal with a loss that was ultimately out of your control.

Anger could help you justify whatever happened to offend someone so much that they end up pretending you never existed. For example, one might think, “I didn’t do anything wrong. That’s just the way I am, and the way they reacted towards me is just how they are. We can’t change. We are how we are.

Who knows, maybe this is true. Perhaps forgiveness, healing and significant change in a person’s core character can’t or doesn’t need to exist now. The world we live in now, people can be replaced VERY quickly. If one thinks they’re irreplaceable in someone’s life, they’re wrong.

All anyone is searching for is unconditional love. To deserve this we have to be willing to give it out. We will all end up offending someone whose forgiveness we will desperately yearn for. When it is made impossible to seek forgiveness from those whom you have offended, try your best to move on and not make the same mistakes with the next person.

What happens when you make the exact same old mistakes with a new love interest in your life, even after promising yourself you wouldn’t? You get cut out of another person’s life. Completely. That’s how the last little while has been going, and re-learning how to deal with such difficult circumstances continues. When you’ve found out once that the light at the end of the tunnel exists, you can be the reassured you can find the light again.